September 18, 1642
September 18, 1642

From to

Dear Holyfen:

I see that Parliament, not content with declaring an unjust, illegal war on our anointed King, now seeks to subsidize its treachery through an unjust and illegal Imposition on the merchants of the City of London. I mean of course yesterday's order, demanding a Contribution toward the maintenance of the Earl of Essex's rabble, who it's my understanding are wreaking anarchy and terror on the long-suffering people of Northampton. The firm of Halpenny and Son was assessed the sum of fifteen hundred pounds.

But in the midst of bitterness, and robbery, come notes of joy, and signs, like unto those of Grace, that show the Wicked shall have their just desserts, and rewards wait the servants of our Lord and the Lord's anointed. Thus, it's my duty to advise that the Merchant Adventurers last night voted (unanimously!) to eject you from this most honorable company, and strip of you of all rights and privileges enjoyed by Members, not the least of which is the general Esteem and respect of commercial men in England and the world (perhaps the least of your losses, there being little of same in your general account).

Pursuant whereunto (that is, your explusion, not your longstanding absence of esteem), I would again draw your attention (whatever part of it not lost to sedition, riot, and crime) to II B 3 and III C 4 of the contract of November 22, 1638, which separately address conditions and penalties applicable to your departing this Firm prior to the expiration of said contract. As you have left the Firm for reasons that are "damaging to the reputation of the Firm" , you are legally bound to forfeit your paid-in capital of 8175 pounds and a penalty of 12 percent of this sum for each year remaining under the contract. By my accounting, two thousands of this sum is presently in the firm's strongboxes; meaning that what's owed is 6175 plus 12 percent on 8175 for each of the years 1642 through 1648.

You are, Mr Holyfen, the first of a generation of vipers; you would flee from wrath, but the just judgment of our Lord, whose message of Peace and equity you have mocked and dishonored through your sedition and rebellion, shall find you, and that right swiftly. The loss of your capital is but a foretaste of the righteous wrath that's yours.

And soon also to find you will be writs demanding: an accounting of all funds in all accounts held with Mr Firth, of Lombard-Street; an accounting of all properties held by you in the counties of Huntingdonshire, Cambridgeshire, the Isle of Ely, Buckinghamshire, and any other county of England and the City and environs of London; and any commercial and manufacturing properties in those counties or any other; and any printing presses, paper, ink, and appurtenances thereunto in the City or environs of London. It's from this that the monies owed Halpenny will be paid, with interest, and that, yeah, right swiftly.

This, too, is but a precursor of the Outer Darkness that certainly awaits you, where you shall weep, wail and gnash your teeth for eternity; before then, however, Halpenny and Son will recover all sums owed it, and more besides.

I am, etc.,

Ralph Holyfen, Halpenny and Son, Bishopsgate Street, London

To Sydney Holyfen, the Old House, near St John's Gate, London (or whatever sinkholes traitors congregate)

 

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