Sir:

The King’s army is advancing to Colnbrooke in Buckinghamshire. Expected arrival tomorrow. Charles p-p-p-plans to demand Windsor Castle be surrendered to him, as a Suitable location for his Rest and r-r-r-repose while p-p-p-peace negotiations are carried out (I understand emissaries from Parliament are due any hour)?

This demand is but (as the King put it) a d-d-d-dodge; he means to take London. And more importantly Rupert intends to plunder and sack Brentford, a day’s rise past Colnbrooke. Quoth Rupert, “By shreklichkite the Londoners and its many schismatical makers of hats and keepers of shops the will of this King will not Resisted be”. ” Shreklichkite means “fear” in the coarse German tongue. Today he gave a Lecture on where People are most likely to hide their Chests, and Plate and similar valuables (wainscoting, floorboards) and the most efficient means of Extracting secret locations (Start with shouted threats, break crockery, escalating to outright beatings and crushing of fingers).